Hey... Nice bandolier!

Not Calleigh, Too!

Last week, our favorite corpse-caressing coroner, Dr. Alexx Woods, left the Miami-Dade Crime Lab. This week, it looks like Calleigh is in hot water with internal affairs jerkwad Rick - is Calleigh the next CSI regular to leave CSI: Miami?
Holy Sunglasses Of Justice, Horatio - say it isn't so!
You KNOW I'll be watching tonight!

TV Season Finales

Even though it seems like our favorite shows have just returned after the Writer's Strike,
it's May Sweeps Month, which means it's Season Finale time.
Here are the dates and times of some of this season's most popular shows:

Thursday 5/15
CSI (9pm CBS)
ER (10pm NBC)
Without A Trace (10pm CBS)

Sunday 5/18
The Simpsons (8pm FOX)
King Of The Hill (8:30pm FOX)
Desperate Housewives (9pm ABC)

Monday 5/19
Big Bang Theory (8pm CBS)
Bones (8pm FOX)
How I Met Your Mother (8:30pm CBS)
House (9pm FOX)
Two And A Half Men (9pm CBS)
Rules Of Engagement (9:30pm CBS)
CSI: Miami (10pm CBS)

Tuesday 5/20
NCIS (8pm CBS)

Wednesday 5/21
American Idol (8pm FOX)
Criminal Minds (9pm CBS)
Boston Legal (10pm ABC)
CSI:NY (10pm CBS)
Law & Order (10pm NBC)

Thursday 5/22
Ugly Betty (8pm ABC)
Grey's Anatomy (9pm ABC)

Thursday 5/29
Lost (9pm ABC)

Customer Service Survey, part 2

Hey... Have a Nice Mother's Day!

Customer Service Survey

Snark Attack

Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Kim’s head is so far up her posterior, that she cannot see the sunshine. I have nothing against a young lady with a large bottom, being blessed/cursed with that myself. This week we found the family teasing Kim relentlessly, Bruce Jenner, yes of Olympic fame, acting like a ten year old and some crying, whining and brouhaha. Actually, it reminded me so much of my teen years I think I need to go into therapy.

2. News in TV land: Bret Michaels, having found someone to schtup for the moment, will no longer be doing Rock of Love. Rumor has it that they've hired Ritchie Sambora for Rock of Love III. Ritchie Sambora of the formerly-married-to-Heather Locklear fame. This should be good for a laugh at least.

3. Hell’s Kitchen: Oh my god, a sweet sixteen party that they spent who knows how much on? Where was my sweet sixteen like that? I demand a re-do. *I* at least, know how to cook a steak, unlike some contestants.

4. American Idol: Bye-Bye Jason Castro, yea of the dread locks and plaintive voice. It’s “in the jingle jangle morning, I’ll come following you.” Not “mumble, blush, mumble, make a strange noise, look like you want the floor to open beneath you.” Learn your music honey. Really. I know it’s hard. I’m a diva myself, and fear has frozen me many a time, but build a bridge. An idol needs to know the lyrics, unless they’re Amy Winehouse, and then they just need to know where to hide the drugs.

5. The Bachelor: London Calling. If Matt does not pick Shayne, I will personally have a screaming tirade at the TV. This brought about by the drinking game I invented where I have a shot every time someone claims to be in love after a mere five weeks of sharing someone with god knows how many other people and STD’s. Still, Shayne seems to be someone who holds her family together (and with Lorenzo Lamas for a dad, someone has to be mature) and is wise beyond her years. Go Shayne.

All I’m saying is Farmer Wants a Wife is too lame for even me to watch and Flavor of Love went so far south, it’s in Antarctica and I am all about spring, not winter right now. Won’t even turn it on anymore. I need more Celebrity Fit Club with a drunken Shortcake. Dang, now that was some interesting TV.

Hey... Nice balloon!

Wedding Wars

13 moments from this week’s Top Chef: Chicago,
with 8 contestants (4 men, 4 women) remaining.

1. Quickfire Challenge: After Padma tells the contestants that the QF Challenge winners no longer have immunity, Tom presides over a relay challenge. The contestants are separated into two teams, Nikki-Dale-Lisa-Spike, and Richard-Stephanie-Antonia-Andrew.
2. For the relay, it’s Lisa versus Antonia to peel and supreme 5 oranges, and Lisa kicks citrus ass. Then it’s Spike versus Andrew in an artichoke peel-off. Spike messes up his choke, but for some reason Tom passes it; Andrew’s artichokes are clearly superior. Then Dale goes head to head over a really hideous monkfish against Richard, who displays a skilled hand with the fish – but they finish in a dead heat. Finally, it’s Nikki versus Stephanie for a quart of home-made mayonnaise – after Nikki states she can’t make mayo. Stephanie makes a lovely quart of mayo, and Dale flips out that his team lost the challenge. He drops the F-bomb and punches a locker, and Antonia says, “Then he had to have his diaper changed.” My first laugh-out loud moment of the evening!
3. The winning team in the QF challenge gets to select their choice in the Elimination Challenge, which is Wedding Wars. The winning team chooses the bride to please, and the Dale-Nikki-Lisa-Spike-cluster-fuck gets the groom. Nikki and the groom bond because they’re both Italian, and it seems like the groom team has an advantage, but then we cut directly to a snide Dale in the diary room saying “No one really likes each other on this team.” Yes, there is no Dale in TEAM.
4. Dale’s “team” thinks that he is doing too many things helter-skelter, and so Spike takes over the sea bass. Nikki makes her pasta, and butts heads with Dale over what ingredients go into a ragu. But, Nikki totally drops the ball when it comes to trying to make her peers into a team, and basically says, “whatever.”
5. Tom comes in at 7:33am to tell them they have three and a half hours left of prep time, and to make a snarky comment about Lisa’s butt-ugly groom’s cake. It truly is an unattractive cake.
6. The Top Chef quiz of the week: Which Chef is the most annoying? The choices = Lisa, Dale, or Spike. America votes, and chooses Dale.
7. The gang heads over to the wedding reception hall, where the testy cheftestants are at each other’s throats. Padma introduces this week’s judges: Tom, Gail Simmons from Food & Wine, and Gale Sand, the top pastry chef in Chicago. Stephanie, who’s making the wedding cake, has a tight undies moment when she realizes that Gale Sand will be tasting her cake. Stephanie’s cake is beautiful, garnished with fresh flowers.
8. The appetizers are served, and most get raves. The crostini that Dale made, however, is like a rock.
9. The meal is buffet style, with some of the chefs serving, some as runners to the kitchen, and Dale and Andrew in the kitchen doing the final cooking. Antonia states, “Dale is not allowed to talk to the guests” while Dale is whining in the kitchen that he’s doing everything for every one.
10. “The brisket is delicious,” states Padma of the bride’s team entrée, and Tom gushes about the horseradish sauce. But they don’t like Andrew’s chicken – saying he just made that exact same dish.
11. The groom’s buffet does not garner such praise. Nikki’s squash-filled tortellini is “not very good” and even though Lisa likes her “pretty” cake, everyone else mumbles how ugly it is.
12. Time for the Judges’ Table. The bride’s team is first, because they are the clear winners. Not everything is a hit – the creamed spinach which Andrew slaved over was flavored with star anise, and it was sad to see one of my favorite dishes messed up. Stephanie’s cake impressed guest pastry chef Gale Sand, and since Richard stepped up and took control and made that fantastic brisket, he won the challenge. He immediately says “I’d like to give it to Stephanie.” Once Padma realizes he’s not kidding, she awards new winner Stephanie a $2,000 gift certificate to Crate & Barrel. Stephanie immediately says she’s splitting the certificate with Richard. The groom’s team could have taken a lesson on team work from these people!
13. The losing team is then dragged out to the judges… and when they are asked who was in charge, Nikki pipes up, “Definitely NOT me!” They are slammed for having too many different dishes, and too many dishes that didn’t taste good. Dale is pissy, and gets into a bitch-fest with Spike, whose sea bass was their one good dish. “Everyone should have liked it,” snivels Dale, “It took him three hours.” Tom says that Nikki was “a major disappointment” for not having stepped up and grabbed the bulls by the horn, so in the end it was Nikki and her annoying eye brows that are told to get the hell out!

CSI

Tomorrow night on CSI, the writers from the sitcom Two And A Half Men take over, in what promises to be an interesting episode of the series. Plus, the guest-star is Katey Sagal, who recently turned in an excellent guest performance on my guilty pleasure Eli Stone.
I watched the Two And A Half Men episode written by the CSI writing staff the other night, and it was amusing. I'm NOT a fan of that sitcom (and am amazed that it is the highest-rated sitcom) however, I do love the amazing Holland Taylor. The episode had me chuckling a few times, and the guest stars Robert Wagner and Jenny McCarthy, along with the CSI-send-up theme, a cameo by the sexy George Eads, and the clearly-Catherine Willows-esque investigator made it worth while.

Surveys Are Now Conversations

Hey... Nice sea foam!

CSI: Miami Good-bye, Alexx

Cinco de Mayo was hot in Miami as Alexx's son became embroiled in a murder case.
On the CBS CSI:Miami home page there is a clip of the cast saying good-bye to Khandi Alexander. I'm sorry to see my favorite corpse-caressing coroner heading out the door of the Miami-Dade Crime Lab.
While I loved making fun of Alexx, it was sad to see Khandi Alexander's Dr. Alexx Woods leave the show.
There are few enough strong female role models on network television, much less African-American ones, and you have to admit that lead coroner for a major crime lab is a great role model.
I wish Khandi Alexander nothing but the best in her future, and can't wait to see tonight's episode!

Hey... Nice signature!